It's a bit lonely here without you. I wish you were still here for me to snuggle with. I miss cuddling with you. 

I Love You

It's been almost six months Samba and I still miss you just as much. I am trying to move on, but am finding it hard to do so. I know no other dog will be you, but I can't help but compare each and every single one to you. I hurt so much and it's not your fault. I want you back so bad, but I know you're not coming back...that's the toughest part. I miss having you around. I miss hanging out with you. Life just isn't the same without you.  I know this beer isn't helping how I am feeling, but maybe I just needed a good cry. It's not fair Samba...Pele even outlived you. I still remember how you feel...I hope I never forget that. I only wish I could still feel you. I miss you buddy....I miss you a lot, probably more than you'll ever know. Or maybe you do.... I know you told Elaine that you weren't coming back for awhile. I wish it weren't so. Please lead me to another dog. I love you...

Animal Communicator

You're probably saying "Mom, you didn't need someone else to tell you I'm still around" and you're right, I didn't. I knew you had been around since the day you left me physically. I can feel you around all the time, but since the reading I have not been able to feel you as well as I had before. Please don't leave just yet. I am not ready...I know you have other things to do before coming back to me, but I am not ready to let go yet. Please help me find a new friend first.

I'm glad you didn't suffer baby, but I wish you would've told me earlier since you knew, but I know you didn't want to worry me. You were the BEST dog ever and it's going to be really hard to find someone who can measure up to you. I hope you'll help me in that aspect. I love you baby, always will.... It's not fair that dogs live shorter lives than humans, but I am glad you were a part of my life.

P.S. Only five kids came for Halloween. You would've been disappointed.

Hi Baby,

Daddy and I got married. I wished you were there!

Yesterday, I found a doggie that looked like he was scared at the shelter. He looked at me with those eyes you used to look at me with and I almost cried. I went back today, but I was too late...he got a home already. While other puppies were cute, they weren't Freddy. None of them looked at me with that same look.

I still miss you baby, every day! I love you always. Please come back to me in another dog.

Missing You

Today I read an article about how a dead Navy SEAL's beloved dog grieved for his owner at the funeral and it just made me cry. I wanted to reach out to you and hug you, but you weren't there.... I know everyone keeps telling me you're with me in spirit, but that's not what I want, Samba! I want you here, with me where I can hear you snore and feel how soft and warm you are. I want to hear you whine at me and paw me again. It's not fair baby...I miss you so much! I didn't get enough time with you. You should've lived to be old. It's really hard to be excited about marrying daddy when all I can think of is how you aren't here physically for me when I need you. I found some old pictures of you tonight...you were so cute and full of life! The life that I miss with you. I wish you were here babe...I love you.

Happy Birthday!

Hi little bud...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you got lots of ice cream in heaven. I sure miss you and wish that you were here for us to share ice cream and walks with. Love you!

2 Months

Samba it's been exactly two months since you left. These last few days were so painful. I miss you so much and I feel so alone even though I know I'm not. I wish you were here. I guess I am feeling extra stressed since Daddy isn't being very cooperative with the wedding details. It's certainly not helping me and it feels like I'll never get things done.

More Babies

Samba, you missed out on the new baby the neighbor's had. It's a boy! He is so cute and little! You would love him! I'm sorry you didn't get your own little kid. I know you would've loved it!

Races

It was so hot this year. I missed having you at the races with us. You were probably more comfortable this year. I have learned so much and not enough from you. It hurts less now, but I still miss you. Tonight at the cigar shop I got a box for your ashes. As I walked up stairs I realized how pathetic it was that I was carrying a dead dog and a glass of wine up. It mad me cry because you're not with me anymore. I want to move on and live in the moment, but it still hurts. I wish you were here baby! I love you so much!

1 Month

Today's been exactly a month. I miss you so much! I still go to the park, hoping that your spirit comes with me. I miss seeing your happy face there playing with all the other dogs. Today I saw a dog there that had the same eye expressions as you did. I think of you everywhere I go that I would've gone with you and even the places that we had never been that I thought would be fun to go with you. It hurts so much Samba. It's not fair... You should still be here living into old age with me. I would be less sad had you left me because of old age, but it's hard to accept the fact that you were taken from me much too young. I'll never be the same without you. I couldn't imagine life without you and now I am living it and it is exactly what I dreaded. No one knows how much I am hurting. I'm not good at showing my feelings. I remember the one time you tried to make me feel better. You gave me kisses on my forehead and I wish you were here to do so again. You helped me get through so much, you saved me from burning things on the stove, you protected me and more importantly....you were my best friend no matter what. I know I told you it was ok to leave...and I meant it, only because your earthly body was failing you so badly, but the fact is, I never want you to leave, at least spiritually and in my memories. Like the song by Train...."Forever can never be long enough for me/to feel like I've had long enough with you..." It makes me sad to hear this song. I know it has nothing to do with losing the one you love, but it was the song that was playing most when you were sick so it reminds me of you most. I hope you're happy where you are and that you found my dad and Evie. I hope they take good care of you until I see you again. I love you baby beans, always and forever. I miss you terribly. Don't forget to visit me every so often. I am always looking for you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

It's Not the Same...

It's not the same w/o you here baby. It's lonely and I miss you a lot right now. You were my BEST friend . I tried to go outside to look at the sky for the stars, hoping that one of them is you, but it's a cloudy night and I couldn't see any :( Every time I walk into a store I am on the lookout for things you might love, but then I realize I can't buy you anything anymore because you're not here anymore. I was looking at George's pictures tonight and he reminded me of you. I wish you were still here to cuddle with to make me feel all better. Jay Jay's looking a bit fluffy without you here too. I think he misses you too. Although he is all too happy to not have to share his treats sometimes :) I got a new gecko. You would've liked it. It's a crested gecko and it is tiny! Oh Samba...I wish you were here. :( I hope you found my dad. I love you!

Perfect

You know when I knew it was over? When I picked up your cute fat short little tail I loved so much and let it drop, but it didn't come back up like it used to. I miss that tail wagging and how it always flipped up when I touched it. It was in that instant I knew I'd never see it again, wagging or not. I tried to memorize how it looked down to each little hair, how it felt and all the times it had welcomed me home, but no matter how much I tried, I knew there was no way I could memorize each little hair on you. When Dr. Ruffing asked me where I would like a lock of hair of you from it was hard to decide. I loved every part of you. I loved the silky velvety smoothness of the fur above your head near your ears, but I also loved the shortness of the fur on your legs. You had these two lighter patches on your shoulder and these lighter and darker hairs on your dorsal stripe. I loved how stiff the hairs were also on your tail and I especially loved your squishy prickly velvety muzzle. Each of your toes were super cute too as well as your cute tiny ears where the very tip, about 1cm, flipped up creating the most perfectly beautiful tulip ears. You were perfect in my eyes, all except for the fact that your little body failed you all too soon. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and how much I miss you. I still expect to see you at the bottom of the stairs when I come downstairs. Jay's tail is getting too plumey without you. :) Life just isn't the same without you little buddy. I wish you could've stuck around. At 3:35pm, 20 mins since I felt the last beat of your heart, I felt your spirit had finally realized that it was no longer part of your earthly body and left. I felt you were at peace and I was glad even though it was tough letting go. It gave me some peace knowing you were ok too.

Always & Forever

I don't know when it is going to stop hurting so much from missing you. It's been a little over two weeks and it feels like forever. The dog park was full of friends today. You would've loved it. It made me sad when people asked me which one of the doggies were mine and you weren't there. :( I think about you every day and almost every minute still. Thank you for being the BEST dog ever! I don't know how any future dogs of mine could ever compare to you. You've definitely broken the mold and taken a piece of my heart with you baby. I'll never be the same again without you. I miss you little buddy, always and forever.

I Miss You

Today I went to the pottery store to see if I could find an urn for your ashes. They didn't have much of a choice so I left... I decided to visit our park and it made me really sad to be going without you. There was nobody in the park. I missed you so badly at that moment. You should've been exploring like you usually do, but it was just me at the park. :( Later a husky/pittie came in. He let me pet him, but he was thirsty. I had no water for him. His daddy didn't even notice! The second time he came by I found him some water. He was so grateful he gave me kisses until I started feeling sad again. No one else came after that so I went home...

I miss you so much Baby Bear. It hurts to think I won't ever see you again. I love you!

1 Week

It's been exactly a week today since we helped you cross over, Samba. I hope you are happy on the other side. It was hard for me to let go, but I knew it was for the best. It was a really tough first few days without you. I expected you to be there where you have always been the past almost six years. It's been a difficult adjustment. I miss you everyday, our daily hugs especially. I saw your happy face today in a poodle puppy today on our walk. I wish you were still here. Please come back and visit me. I'll miss you always Beaners!

Love always & forever,
Mummy

I Love You Baby Bear!

Samba I hope you're not mad at me, but I didn't want you to suffer. You obviously weren't going to get better and it hurt me to see you so sad and ill. I hope you're pain free now and playing with all the other dogs. I can't wait to see you again baby! Be good! I love you. I sure miss you already. The house isn't the same without you.

One More Day

Hi Beaners,

One more day buddy. It's been so hard listening to you. I know you don't want to leave me, but I'll be ok even though I will be very sad without you. Thanks to Jay Jay I heard loud and clear. It won't be long now baby...you will feel better soon. I promise! I love you lots sweet pea. Don't forget that! :)

Mummy

I'm glad you got some sleep today, buddy. You looked so weary this morning. I don't think you slept at all!

It's 2:06am Thursday morning right now and even though I am exhausted worrying about you, I don't want to sleep. I want to hear you snore softly. You don't know how much I love you or how much it hurts me to see you like this, or maybe you do... I'll always love you, but if it is time, go. I'll be ok. I can't say it enough...I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!

P.S. It's been exactly 2,028 days since I first laid eyes on you, told you I loved you & hugged you. You're the BEST Samba! I love you!

Not Fair

Beaners.... Life is so unfair. I am so sorry you got the short card in life. I am so sorry you are in so much pain that I cannot do much to help you. I love you lots. Please hang in there so we can see Dr. O or his friends.

I'm So Sorry

Hi P-Nut,

I am so sorry you aren't feeling well. I am all out of ideas as to how to help you. I hope you can wait till Tuesday when we go in for bloodwork. If not, I will take you in to see a different doctor, but you may not like them and I probably won't either. I rather see Dr. O instead if you can hang on. I love you baby!

Is It Time?

Baby Beans I know you're not feeling well. I am so sorry. I wish I could fix this. Please let me know when it is time, OK? I love you!

20 Years Ago...

I have asked for a dog for as long as I could remember. I had always wanted a Dalmation for some reason. 20 years ago, my dad finally said yes, after we returned home. He didn't specify with or without him, but I guess he was with us no matter what.

When we got home, much to my grieving mother's dismay, I reminded her of my dad's promise. I'm not sure where I would've looked for a dog, but as luck would have it, my teacher's dog had puppies. My mom had told me all about Chinese dogs and especially this mysterious "sand skin" dog. Guess what kind of puppies my teacher had?! You got it! Shar Pei puppies! She brought them over for us to see and we picked a girl, or more like she picked us as she was the only one to poop in our yard. I took care of her religiously whenever I was home, but two months later, my mom informed me that it wasn't working out, especially since we were about to go out of town for a month. Back to the breeder she went. It was tough leaving without her. My mom said to the breeder (since she still had some of the other puppies) that if someone wanted our pup while we were gone to go ahead and sell her, but if she was still there when we got back, we'd take her back. I don't know if she really was sold or not, but I never saw her again and I never forgot about her. My mom told me that when I had my own place I could get a dog.

14 long years later that dream came true. I searched for five months! I still can't believe you are mine. Funny that I got another Shar Pei. I never did get that Dalmation and I wouldn't want one today!

Getting Old

Yesterday, the afternoon light hit you just right and you looked immediately old. It's hard to know that you are reaching closer towards your senior years, maybe a little quicker than I'd like. You always looked like the puppy I got almost six years ago to me. I can't believe the death sentence you've received. You made it past three months though! When it is time, please tell my dad I miss him. He'll take care of you for me.

What Am I Gonna Do?

Little Bear...

I'm sorry I hurt you tonight. :( I didn't mean to! I just wanted the fluids to flow faster so that you could get away sooner. Please forgive me!

What am I gonna do when I have to go away, Samba? Will you let someone else give you fluids? I don't want to go to visit Grandma now... I don't trust that Daddy won't forget or give up too easily if you fidget. This stuff makes you feel better so please work with me!

Love,
Mummy

Kids

Hi P-Nutters!

You were such a good boy with the kids today! N really loved you it seems even though she was a bit scared of reaching out to you or letting you sniff her face. Maybe this summer as you guys play more she will get more used to you :) You did manage to sneak in two kisses yesterday though, good job! :D I'm glad to see that S isn't so scared of you anymore either. Maybe because he is taller than you now and with the other neighbors calm dogs he has learned that dogs are ok too :D You can be a bit overwhelming with kids sometimes, but I know you love them tons! Keep up the good work big guy! Love you!

Mummy

Jerky

Hi Samba!

Thank you for letting me know what kind of treat you are willing to work with! I think all the fluids are helping. Your breath isn't stinky anymore, yay! Some people may not agree with how I feed you, but it's quality over quantity! As much as I don't want you to leave me...my goal is to make you happy and comfortable until then. I asked a communicator to talk to you. Please tell her anything you want to tell me. I love you lots!

Mummy

Are You There God?

Fr. Doug always said dogs were the closest to God because dog spelled backwards was God. If that is the case, Samba/God, what lesson are you trying to teach me by bleeding my bank account dry? I feed you the best possible food, buy you toys & treats, buy all the good supplements for you, love & take care of you, but yet I am to have a shorter amount of time with you than it was supposed to be, WHY? I'm not ready, you know that. I don't know that I will ever be honestly. I'm in love... Don't leave me! I love you...

Results

Hi Sweet Pea,

It took a long time to get your results back, but they have improved slightly. Dr. T did not like your BUN & Creatinine, but it is what it is. I know you hate the nightly pokes for fluid. I hate them too, but they are good for you. You feel better afterwards, don't you? You play much more than you used to before. I'm sorry I haven't had much time to spend with you. I promise to make it up to you. *MUAH!* You're a good boy! Love you.

Mummy

Good Dog!

Hi P-Nutty Nut!

You are such an awesome doggie! I could not have asked for a more tolerant and patient friend. I know you hate the fluids...they're cold! But I think they help you because you seem to feel better afterwards. Please bear with it. I wouldn't do it unless it was good for you! Ok? Thank you for holding it this morning until I let you out too! Good dog! :D

I love you Sweet Pea!

Mummy

Thank you Boo Boo!

Boo Boo,

Thank you for being so cooperative tonight with your fluids. I promised you a short session and I followed through. I hope it was worth the cheese! I know it's your favorite! :) Sorry I did not have string cheese. Daddy ate it all! I will have to buy some for you!

You're a good boy for eating all your food too!

Mummy loves you! *MUAH!*

Good News!

Hi Baby!

Dr. O called with your results today. It was good news! Everything is down some so I guess what I am doing is working! I knew it was working cuz you were more playful. Maybe that maturity I attributed to you wasn't so! I guess I did not think like you do :) I am happy nonetheless! Hopefully it will continue to improve!

Love you Beans!

Mummy

Check Up

Dear Samba,

I am sorry that I was not able to open up the window yesterday when we went to see Dr. O. It was raining too hard and you would've gotten all wet! Dr. O checked you out and he said you looked good and sounded good. We got a CBC, urinalysis and UPC ratio done. We should have the results tomorrow probably. Your blood pressure was 155 and your specific gravity was 1.015, which is slightly lower than it was back in January, when it was 1.017.

I gave you Sub-Q's for the first time last night since this began. I'm sorry I poked you in the wrong spot and it got uncomfortable. Today you let me give you more, but not the amount I was supposed to give you. You seemed even more playful afterwards!

Every birthday I spend with you, I am thankful for another year. I am just trying to savor the moments now so that I can remember you happy later on when you are not feeling so well or when it is time for you to leave me. I do not look forward to that day, but I always knew it would come sometime.

Tonight I watched P.S. I Love You. I wish you could leave notes like that for me when you are gone! I am an emotional wreck after that movie!

I love you Baby Bear!

Mummy

Doomsday

Dear Samba,

We've always had great fun together. You've always been my best buddy. Thank you for being the best dog ever! If it wasn't for you, I would've never wanted to get out of bed when I was unemployed. You kept me going!

But on 01.08.11, your annual bloodwork came back. It was not good news. It was official. That dreaded Shar Pei disease got you too. You were in kidney failure. :'( I cried so hard. It wasn't fair, you weren't even 5.5 years old! I immediately contacted Dr. Tintle. You don't know her, but she has helped us a ton! I have never met her either, but I will be forever grateful to her for responding to my email when I did not know what to do. I know I am not the first one to do so. She is a blessing to all of us who have had Pei in need. She told me to look at DogAware.com and I spent the next day or so devouring all I could from the site and immediately changed your diet. You've been a good boy eating the new food, sometimes even with gusto! Dr. Tintle thought with your values you would be vomiting, but I told her it wasn't so. It took me awhile, but I got out of my deep depression from the news that you would be with me even shorter than I had expected.

Mummy

27 Long Years

Dear Samba,

The moment I knew we were going to buy a house I started looking for you. I didn't know you would be a Shar Pei yet, but I knew you'd be a Samba. It was May 2005 when I started my search. I had found a Jack Russell at the shelter that I thought would finally be the dog I had waited 27 years of my life for, but after visiting for weeks, I got the sign that this was not the right Samba. Daddy and I went back an forth on what breed would fit our lifestyle the best and that turned out to be another Shar Pei.

Yes, we had Shar Pei prior to you, mainly Daddy. When I first met Daddy he told me all about Sammy and how he doesn't listen to anyone, but his family. I told him, "Wanna bet?" Every time I visited Sammy I came with treats 9 out of 10 times! Sammy learned to love me too and listen to me! He even protected me once from a black Lab he thought was attacking me. Sammy and I were good buddies. We took lots of walks together and I know he enjoyed that as he didn't get to get out much. He lived to a ripe old age of 13 when he passed away. He was a black horsecoat peibie. I knew him for over half his life and I cried when Daddy told me one morning that Sammy had died. :(

I too had a Shar Pei when I was a little girl, but my Mommy decided that we were not in a position to have a dog since we traveled so much. We only had her for two months, but I never forgot about Cassi. She was a fawn horsecoat puppy.

When we decided another Shar Pei was the answer I started looking and found an ad for a blue Shar Pei. The breeder and I emailed a lot, but then she got a bit snippy when I asked too many questions. I decided that the beautiful blue Shar Pei was not meant to be. He was not my Samba.

I then found a list by the CSPCA of breeders in the area. I started with the closest one, who said she did not have any puppies available, but I lucked out when I called the second breeder. I told her my only requirements were that you were not black and was male. She said she had a 12-week old pup that fit that and thought that you would be a mini too! Bonus! We made plans for me to come up to see you. It was only a little over an hour's drive NE, but I got lost....VERY lost! I was a good 2-3 hours late and almost gave up until I remembered why I was on this road trip! This was before the time of GPS so I had no idea where I was! I finally found the house and was greeted at the door by 3 Pei at the top of the stairs barking their heads off at me, one of which was your Mommy!

When I walked in, she took me by the hand and lead me into the room. I was SURROUNDED by Pei! I was in hog heaven! It was a blur that night, but I'm pretty sure I immediately got down on the floor to play :D When everyone had calmed down after the excitement, your Mommy P and I talked. She was so nice! What a huge difference compared to the other woman I spoke with via email! I asked all the questions I wanted to ask even if I didn't know the answers to the questions I had asked. Just the mere fact that no one was insulted made me feel good about this. When we finally took a break, she pointed out to me where you were. You were following all the big dogs shuffling around the room in your big oversized coat. It looked like you stole dad's coat! You were SO cute, but I had to chase you down as you would not come to me! Typical Pei :)

Once I got a hold of you, we sat on the couch together with you on my lap and you happily laid there. I got to meet your Mommy, Daddy, Uncle, Aunties, Sisters, etc.! The whole family! Even the kitties :) It wasn't long after that I took you home, but not before you showing your mischievous side by running off when we took you out to potty! We had to chase you around in the dark! Finally Mommy P put you in my car and gave you goodbye kisses and off we went into the dark night to your new home. You curled right up and we went home.

By the time we got home I was trying not to lose you while trying to get the door open. I didn't want to lose you already since I had no leash or collar on you and you were used to the open fields where you came from. We live in the city and with you being so small and new to the area you would surely be hit by a car. Luckily you did not wiggle much :) and we got inside the house! I dropped you off in the diningroom and went to find Daddy. He asked me where was the puppy? He knew that I wasn't coming home w/o one! I showed you to him and we went to bed. I had NOTHING for you! I am so sorry. :( You were so scared you stayed in the same spot all night!

As soon as I was ready we went shopping at Petco. I bought you bowls, food, a collar, treats and some toys. That was the beginning of our happiness! I could not believe you were mine!

Mummy



Above: Your Mommy giving you goodbye kisses, Auntie using you as a pillow and your sister in the front of the camera :)