More Babies

Samba, you missed out on the new baby the neighbor's had. It's a boy! He is so cute and little! You would love him! I'm sorry you didn't get your own little kid. I know you would've loved it!

Races

It was so hot this year. I missed having you at the races with us. You were probably more comfortable this year. I have learned so much and not enough from you. It hurts less now, but I still miss you. Tonight at the cigar shop I got a box for your ashes. As I walked up stairs I realized how pathetic it was that I was carrying a dead dog and a glass of wine up. It mad me cry because you're not with me anymore. I want to move on and live in the moment, but it still hurts. I wish you were here baby! I love you so much!

1 Month

Today's been exactly a month. I miss you so much! I still go to the park, hoping that your spirit comes with me. I miss seeing your happy face there playing with all the other dogs. Today I saw a dog there that had the same eye expressions as you did. I think of you everywhere I go that I would've gone with you and even the places that we had never been that I thought would be fun to go with you. It hurts so much Samba. It's not fair... You should still be here living into old age with me. I would be less sad had you left me because of old age, but it's hard to accept the fact that you were taken from me much too young. I'll never be the same without you. I couldn't imagine life without you and now I am living it and it is exactly what I dreaded. No one knows how much I am hurting. I'm not good at showing my feelings. I remember the one time you tried to make me feel better. You gave me kisses on my forehead and I wish you were here to do so again. You helped me get through so much, you saved me from burning things on the stove, you protected me and more importantly....you were my best friend no matter what. I know I told you it was ok to leave...and I meant it, only because your earthly body was failing you so badly, but the fact is, I never want you to leave, at least spiritually and in my memories. Like the song by Train...."Forever can never be long enough for me/to feel like I've had long enough with you..." It makes me sad to hear this song. I know it has nothing to do with losing the one you love, but it was the song that was playing most when you were sick so it reminds me of you most. I hope you're happy where you are and that you found my dad and Evie. I hope they take good care of you until I see you again. I love you baby beans, always and forever. I miss you terribly. Don't forget to visit me every so often. I am always looking for you. I love you. I love you. I love you.